I found myself kneeling on the shower floor, forehead pressed against the glass. Deep sorrow poured over me just as the water did, soaking me through. I reigned my sobs in, quiet in the noise of the shower, tears squeezing through my tightly shut eyes. The burdens pressed so heavily on my shoulders I was unable to do anything but weep softly, my hands resting on my knees with palms open to the Lord in pleading. Oh Father, I cannot carry this sorrow any longer, I feel crushed beneath it.  No words came that seemed to capture the pain welling up from my heart, and I felt some comfort knowing that the Holy Spirit would intercede on my behalf, carrying my unspoken words to the Father.

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   There has been so much pain in my life lately, and all around me. I know it has touched many of us, and seems to be hitting closer to home with each passing day. Financial burdens and insecurity, long term illness, unsaved family and friends, unemployment, losing loved ones, chronic pain, and relational problems…the list of things that those I love and care about are going through feels endless. The world feels like it’s crashing down around us, leaving us broken and dirty, with wounds bleeding out into the dust of what life once was.

It can be a lonely place.

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   I find my mind drawn to someone else in a lonely place. Hagar, alone in the desert, after fleeing from painful circumstances that were mostly out of her control. God met her there, at the spring in the desert by the road to Shur.  He didn’t take her away from the suffering, but sent her back into it. Before He did that though, He told her what would come from her current painful circumstances, and in response, she called him El Roi, the God who sees and who is near. Do you see the parallel, dear one? Our God is unchanging, as ever present now as He was back in the Old Testament. He still draws near to us as we reach out in the darkness of our situation. He still hears us when we cry out to him in the depths of our pain and suffering.

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   Have you, like me, found yourself crying out to God, asking him to help you, to remove the suffering you are enduring, as you can no longer carry it? He does not always take us out of that trial, but sometimes, like Hagar, we are told that He would have us stay. You can be certain, though, that He will be faithful in His refining.

  Suffering in the life of a believer serves a very important purpose. Our suffering is never meaningless, and even if we never know why we went through a certain trial, we can know with certainty that God completed what He had for that time. God has promised to finish every good work in our lives, and sometimes those good things only come from the hardest of circumstances. The trials we go through refine us, making us more like Christ as we grow and mature in our faith.

He will bend us farther than we thought we could bend.

He will lead us through more trials than we thought we could endure.

He will push us past our limits to when we thought we would break, and find that we don’t.

   And when he stops bending us, we find he took us farther than we could imagine, led us into deeper relationship with Himself, discover that He was faithful through it, and that He held us through all we endured. “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:8).

   When you think there can be no way you can make it through, and you feel so lonely, lean on Him, dear one. Lean into the One who knows all things. Read the Word and let it be soothing balm on a weary heart. When the burdens can’t be shared with others because they are not yours to speak of, know that He sees them, He is willing to shoulder them too. He will sustain you through this. El Roi, the God who draws near. Draw near to Him, let Him hold your broken heart together, and take one more step in faithfulness and obedience. “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” (Romans 15:4). You are not walking this road alone, have hope in the One whose power is made perfect in our weakness.

   When we reach the end of ourselves, we come to the wonderful place of understanding how much we need the Father. We can pour from an empty cup, because He is the one who never runs dry. He keeps going when we no longer can.

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  Many things have changed since that first time I found myself on the floor of the shower. Some of my sufferings have eased since then, and others have been added. I’ve found myself in the same place as well, crying out to God over the same and new trials. He has also shown me firsthand that His mercies are new every morning. I’ve learned to rest more fully in His sovereign care. He’s wrought something out of me that never would have been born if not for His careful guidance of trials in my life. I have been hard pressed, and not crushed. Not because of me, but only because of Him. If you find you are also in the refiners fire, know that it will bring great beauty for His glory. As He has done, and continues to do for me, He will do for you. Rest in Him.

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