I was single during all of my teen years, and into my early 20’s. I know that me dating someone now at twenty-four is still pretty young, but I would ask that you don’t immediately discount what I have to say in this post.

Do you ever find that articles on singleness often seem to come from people who are married? Or written from the angle that you are just in some season of waiting before prince charming arrives? Yeah, I’ve found that too. This post isn’t one of those, because in my opinion, we already have too many of them. So, what do I have to say? Let’s get into it…

Singleness sucks sometimes. I don’t want to shy away from the fact that being single often isn’t easy. We can talk about the blessings of being single, but let’s be honest, sometimes it just sucks. It can be lonely. It can be painful when we see the engagement pictures on social media as all our friends and family start to get married.  And frankly, it hurts when people look at you with the ‘still single?’ question showing in their eyes. It can make us question ourselves, and worse, question God and His goodness. That leads into my next point:

God isn’t afraid of our feelings. If you are feeling resentment, bitterness, anger or any other negative emotion toward your singleness, go to God in prayer and tell Him. God is not hurt by your honesty on how you feel. He already knows what is in your heart, so tell Him the truth and ask Him to take those feelings and replace them with the things of Himself. Even though these feelings are completely understandable (because we are human and therefore sinful), they aren’t right. We ultimately need to remember that God gives and takes away out of His immense love for us. Don’t let your resentment at being single turn you away from God, but fully admit to your feelings and find healing. Our relationship with God is far more important than any other relationship on this earth. Don’t forget that God is the only one who ever fulfills us, sustains us, and makes life worth living for. Turn to him, knowing that He is there to ask for help in changing your heart attitude.

Where is your focus? The next point is checking where our focus is. This ties a little into the above point. Anger, bitterness and resentment all embody the belief that we have been treated unfairly or wrongly. These feelings, left unchecked, can lead us into doubting God’s goodness and His care for us. These emotions are very real, but we also need to remember who God is. God has not cheated you nor wronged you. Has the focus turned inward and on what we think is best for our happiness? Do we truly believe in the goodness of God and His sufficiency, trusting Him to carry us through? Our worth comes from Him alone, not our relationship status. We don’t need someone else to prove to us our attractiveness and worth.  It’s hard to ask God for peace in being single when you feel anything but peace with it, I know!

Singleness isn’t a lesser blessing. There will most likely be times when the benefits of being single are easy to see, and some days the fog of discontentment lays heavy on our hearts. It’s why we need to be in our bibles, seeking the truth God reveals about himself, and praying for Him to change our hearts. Remember to preach His truth to your own heart. Marriage is a blessing, yes, but so is singleness. God hasn’t given you a lesser blessing. This point ties into the next one:

Christ completes you, not your spouse. Ever heard of looking for your other half, or searching for your soulmate? It’s not true. We are not half people walking around, we were created as a whole person, to be completed in Christ alone. It’s why the Bible says two become one in marriage, not two halves become one. No relationship or person will ever be able to complete you or be sufficient; only God can truly fill the desires of your heart.

Growth is rarely linear. Being content, let alone feeling gratitude, in singleness is something that we train for. It doesn’t usually come naturally and is often a journey filled with hard work. Don’t get discouraged if growth comes slowly at times. I’ve found that as I learn and grow, and often when I think I’ve finally got it, God puts it to the test. Don’t forget to use those opportunities to build on the foundation God is laying on your heart.

Singleness isn’t a ‘season’. Ever heard that you’re just in a season? The reason I don’t like this type of comment is because it feeds the expectation that everyone gets married. Being single is not something that needs to be fixed in order for you to live the best or most fulfilled life. Don’t wait until you get married (if that’s God plan for you) to live your life. If you knew for sure you wouldn’t be married for the next five years, what would you do with that time? This is a good question to ask if you aren’t sure if you are waiting to live. How did you answer it? Are you living, or are you waiting to start?

Now, I will also add that it’s okay to be sad that you are single and mourn the fact that God hasn’t placed someone in your life. Singleness hurts sometimes. It can be hard to navigate. It can be extremely lonely, not only because you aren’t in a relationship, but also because it can feel like everyone else is. Ultimately though, I hope you see how you are complete in Christ, regardless of whether you get married or not. The relationship you have with God is the most important relationship you will ever have, above everything else this life has to offer.

Take the time to appreciate what God HAS given you. From a heart that knows gratitude grows a heart that is content. There are so many opportunities given to single people, not only in our walk with Christ, but in our everyday life. Marriage changes priorities (rightly so), and different opportunities are given in exchange of previous ones. Don’t waste what God has given you now, in dreaming of what he might give you later.

I encourage you to be in the Word, cultivating a heart that rejoices in God’s goodness and seeking a heart filled with gratitude. When we continue to fill our minds with the truth of God, our heart attitude changes to reflect Christ more and more. Contentment is a long lasting, deep satisfaction and gratitude to our loving heavenly Father, who gives good gifts to His children.

When singleness hurts, I pray you remember this truth: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:4-7 NIV)

Much love,

Sarah